Clash of The Titans: Review

And to think I actually included this turd of a film in my Movies To Watch of 2010.
Clash of the Titans is about Perseus who was born a demigod from his mother and the God, Zeus. He goes on a quest to seek revenge against the Gods for the death of his family by killing the Kraken, the one way he could get to Hades and to do that he has to cut the head off Medusa, and everything is all straight forward from there.
Let me be very clear about this piece of shit disguising itself as Clash of the Titans. This is not Clash of the Titans. As we may already know, the studios have been saying that this movie is a remake of the 1980s classic Greek fantasy film. And let me say this, if you are going to be as bold enough as to remake a classic film... don't think that adding cool special effects will make your shit better than the original. It's not going to work. It's just dumb.
And that's what this movie was. DUMB! The film degrades classic Greek mythology into one big creature feature bringing on one Greek mythological monster after another without any real rhyme or reason as to why any of these scenes are going on other than the fact that they want to jam in as many action sequences as possible.
And this could have been a good thing. The visual effects were really great and could be kick ass in 3-D but beneath all that, we have one hollow film. This film goes on for 1 hour 30 minutes and at the end, you find yourself not caring about any of the main characters, I forgot half of the main characters names what with all the weird Greek names like Yghiski and Haephortaia (yeah i made that up). But I digress, there was no story in this movie, there were no character developments, there wasn't a plot development. Everything in Clash were just sub-elements to aid the visual effects.
And that wouldn't bother me if I didn't love the original movie so much. In that same amount of time, the original movie developed relationships between Perseus and Andromeda, the friendship between Pegasus and Perseus, the father-son relationship of Zeus and Perseus, Medusa's back story and still had the same amounts of fight scenes. How they were able to keep it all in a one half hour movie still amazes me.
Sam Worthington does a really great job playing Jake Sully in this. Lets be honest, the guy is a great actor but he can only play one character and that is the "soldier" dude being thrust into a new culture and screaming lots of times. I have no doubts that he can be the next Schwarzenegger but he is going to get stale real fast.
The better parts of Clash were Liam Neeson and Ralph Feinnes as Zeus and Hades. I really like the fact that Liam Neeson and Ralph Feinnes look like brothers in this. Neeson commands the scenes with the little amount of screen time he had. I like how he gave Zeus a more villainous twist in the beginning. Ralph Feinnes is great but the wheezing got a bit irritating after awhile. What we need now, is have a porno of Zeus and Hades bang Aphrodite. Now that's Clash of the Titans for you hahahahahah.
And I gotta give it to the animators. The monsters in the film were really great. Wasn't so crazy bout the scorpions but I really loved Medusa. She so fine, she made some areas of my body turn rock hard. And how bad ass was the Kraken. You know, the only thing I didn't like in the original was that the Kraken didn't look all to menacing to me. But in here, one roar and I was like "....shit..." Kinda sad Kraken only had like 4 minutes of screen time. It came, it roared then it turned to stone. Yeah real nice climax.
Seriously, if you're going to watch Clash of the Titans, watch the original. And if you just want the special effects, pop in your Avatar DVD lah. This movie blows.

RATING: 3/10

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