Percy Jackson and the Olympians The Lightning Thief: Review

I knew this film was going to be bad... but I had no idea it was going to be that bad! Jesus Christ I really, really dislike this film. The people with Clash of the Titans must have been watching this and going "..... Whaaa?"
This film is basically a Hollywood version of Harry Potter. In other words, this film tried really hard to be the next Harry Potter and fell flat on it's face. The movie's about a guy named Percy Jackson who finds out he's the son of Poseidon and needs to find the lightning bolt of Zeus before ther big man goes ape shit crazy and wages war against the other Gods.
 
This film really really tried to be Harry Potter. They even had Chris Columbus who made Sorceres Stone. But this movie was missing every little thing that made thr HP series great.
 
See what the Harry Potter series had that Percy Jackson lacked immensely was the magic. The HP series always has this magic spellbinding cinema quality to it. What Percy Jackson did was try to copy that same style but add a modern twist to it and with loads of pre-teen humor.
 
And that would have worked if they decided earlier on that this film was going to be an adventure comedy, because the funny scenes in this movie are really good.. at most times they are a downright parody of Greek mythology, which I loved. The problem is that at the same time, they are trying to keep this serious dark tone to it, which totally clashed with the funny scenes and what ultimately didn't make the movie work. First ikt was serious, then it went to frat comedy, then serrious again. Make up you're dam minds people!
 
And don't get me started on the acting. The producers think by populating the film with stars like Uma Thurman, Rosario Dawson, Pierce Brosnan, Steve Coogan, Sean Bean and 3 teen underwear models, they'd get great acting like the HP series. No... that just turns you're ensemble into the Twilight cast.
 
My God did I hate the guy playing Percy Jackon. This Lohan Lerman guy has no idea how to act. Like in one scene, Percy Jackson finds out his mom is dead.. and you know what this little bitch did? He sighed, frowned and then goes to socialize with the other demi-Gods. Motherfucker I hope you're not like that in real life, cause I seriously wanted to punch you out. He delivers each line like it was the 50th take. Incredibly monotonous and showing zero emotion on his chiseled face.
Boy, I swear to God that if you take that new Spider-Man role... I don't know how, I don't know when, but you will die by my hand. Stop acting in anything other than 90210 or Twilight.
 
But the person who does steal the show is Brandon T. Jackson as Grover. Ya'll might know him as Booty Sweat from Tropic Thunder. Booty Sweat is absolutely hilarious in this, providing much needed comic relief to Logan Lermans marijuana-high underwater face. And what can I say, the guy's a natural. There were scenes that I knew weren't meant to be funny but just had me laughing in my seat because of the way he carries it. Like the scene with Medusa's head and the Gucci sunglasses. Pure genius!
 
There were about one or two fight scenes in the film that were really good. One being the fight with the Hydra which I thought was really awesome. But overall, the actiona set pieces where Percy Jacson fights legendary mythical Greek monsters gets really boring and predictable after awhile. But damn that lightning bolt looked cool.
 
Apart from it's incredibly few saving graces, I find myself really really hating this film. Please please please flop like the Golden Compass and never make a sequel to this filth of a film.

RATING: 4/10

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